Day Two In London: Portobello Market, The V&A, Victoria, Westminster, The West End, Covent Garden

Another massive photo-dump of a post, but whatever, I have a shiny new 60D to play with! I feel so powerful when I hold it… like I am the biggest dick in the room, but with boobs too. And that’s a good feeling. It really is. I look at other sight-seers with their puny cameras and I laugh at their charming naivete and greenhorn technology!!! Mwahahahahah!!!! Even though I still have no idea what half the buttons mean.
On our second day in London, we got up super early (who’s terrible idea was that? Oh) and went to Portobello Market in Notting Hill. We looked at old maps and lizard-skin handbags, and found an amazing gem of a lingerie shop, What Katie Did, which makes the most beautiful 50’s corsets and conical bras you will ever see in your life. After that we headed to Kensington to meet my friends for some Spanish food and wine, so that I could finally introduce them to my other half. They gave me the most adorable belated birthday gift, something that deserves a post all of it’s own.
And then we went on a long walk. A long, long walk through London as the sun went down and the Saturday night crowds came out. We went all the way from Victoria, up to Buckingham Palace and down The Mall, watching the London Eye turn slowly as it got colder and colder, and my beloved had to put my hands in his pockets. We walked through Charing Cross and Leicester Square and Piccadilly, and the late markets in Covent Garden. When we grew too tired to walk anymore, we dived into a cinema and caught a late showing of a movie, him feeding me chocolate buttons in the dark, me licking his fingers.

Day One In London: The British Museum

As you all know I went to Landaaaaaaahn with my boyfriend recently, and let me start by saying I took a shit-ton of photos, so you’re all going to be subjected to a touristy pictures and LOOK WHAT I DID ON MY TRAVELS type of blogging for just a little while, I hope that’s okay. I’ll get moody again real soon, I promise. A month, tops. Because periods.

So, yeaaahhhhh. On our first day it was blowing an absolute fucking hurricane, and we hid in the beautiful auditorium of The British Museum, looking at all the things that (as my charming man pointed out) we as a country have collectively stolen from other nations and put on display, out of context and miles from home. It was open late so we stayed until it got really dark outside, and I had photographed every interesting thing I could find. I held his hand as we examined bones from the past, that must have loved while they were alive. Back in our hotel room we ate the tray of chocolates that had been left on our bed by the management, and drank the complimentary bottle of Prosecco. We were both over-worked, exhausted, aching. We rubbed each other’s feet while we watched television. I didn’t want to have to do any of the work, and as we folded into each other I saw our reflections in the hotel window, warm and blurry, laughing.

Excuse Me For A While, While I'm Wide-Eyed And I’m So Damn Caught In The Middle

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I am going away to London with my beloved for Valentine’s weekend. I’m writing this as I try, impossibly, to finish everything I have to do before I leave; before I run to his warmth and forget my work, my blog, my fears, my hopes, my name. Last night I stayed up until half three, making a gift for him. I woke up at 7 to work. That is what love is. We had an argument yesterday, something that he feared would break us up. I was angry, I was hurt; I wasn’t  sure that I could cope with the all the bullshit that you have to deal with when you’re in a relationship, trying to build a life together. But while we were texting our bitter accusations and retorts, I was sitting on my bed, making his Valentine’s gift. And later, when we got off the phone, exhausted from our conversation, unsure of our future, I went straight back to my spot under a pile of artsy materials, and I stayed there, making this thing that I hope will give him a glimpse of how much I love him. Because I knew that as soon as today came, and I got to see him walking towards me, for me, because I am the one he waits for, that nothing else would really matter. And I would want to show him, in any way I can, how much he means to me.

This is the very first Valentine’s that I’ve had someone to really celebrate it with, so we’re going all out. I don’t care if it’s uncool, which I’m sure it must be. I will never regret being uncool, and in love.
Here, have a song.

So Now I Am Older Than My Mother And Father Were When They Had Their daughter, Now What Does That Say About Me?

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This is my first post with my new camera. It’s an intimidatingly beautiful Canon 60D, and it came with a manual that is about the same size as To Kill A  Mockingbird. It’s going to take me some trial and error before I get used to using it, and loads of the pictures I’ve taken since I got it are wobbly (there are about 127580323478539 possible combinations of settings, and I have very shaky hands), and these pictures aren’t the right size for me, but nevertheless it feels amazing to finally have a proper camera again and get started on rebooting my blog. I’ve missed blogging so much the last couple of months. I want to make more time for it this spring. I know it feeds my soul and helps me stay sane. Being in a relationship with someone I love this way is so new and wonderful, but I really wasn’t prepared for how much of my energy a boyfriend would take up (sorry darling, if you’re reading. Love you!) and how strong the hold of a couple-bubble can be. When we’re together, it feels like such a mammoth effort to even leave his arms to go to the fucking bathroom, let alone create a blog post. You could say happiness is not a very creative state for me; I become soft, giggly, lazy, wasteful, reckless, absorbed in my lover. I lose that painful drive of questioning and unrest that pushes me to make things. So much of my art and writing springs from a sense of separateness. I need my mind to be independent, free, in order to create. And there is nothing independent about my current state. So sometimes I am caught between my heart’s desire to merge, and my mind’s need for separateness.

In other news, the blog that I write for, THE LE SIGH, was mentioned in the February issue of Dazed and Confused, in an amazing article about cyberfeminism and the girls at the forefront of a new wave of female art and culture. A lot of the women/companies featured in it are people that I’ve interviewed myself or interacted with as part of my job at TLS, so you can understand why it’s really, really exciting for me. Please do pick up a copy if you can. And if you’d like to read an article about Bunny Collective that TLS has done with Dazed Digital, you can find it here.

I started working on a novel recently (as some of you who follow me on Instagram or Twitter will already have seen) and that needs time and commitment too. I see it fully-formed, crystalline, in my mind’s eye. I feel as though it is a beast running around inside my head, wanting me to chase it.

In other news, it was my birthday recently. I turned 23. I feel older than the stars.