26th Birthday Wishlist

birthday-wishlist

Edward Scissorhands Funko Pop, Leeloo Dallis Funko Pop, both available on Amazon // Pink glass tentacle dildo, Alien Outfitters // Cosmic Metals lip cream in Speed of Light, by Nyx // Audacious Lipstick in Audrey, NARS // "The Performers 111" art print, by Apollonia Saintclair // Amethyst towers, where they at? // Lens, Canon (to replace my broken one) // Rose-gold nipple piercing studs, Amazon.

It's my birthday soon, and I have huge plans for this new year. The majority of them revolve around experiences, not things, but I still have my eye on a few choice items that I think will add value to my life and that reflect the true, weirdo me. All of these picks are things I've had in the back of my mind for a while, so no impulse buys here (impulse buys are being left in 2016), only beautiful objects that will enhance my quality of life or simply make me smile when I look at them. The gallery print by Apollonia Saintclair is something I've lusted after for years now, and finally decided it's time to invest in. I also want to upgrade my starter nipple piercings in regular gold to a prettier set in rose gold that will match my septum. The last few months I've been really drawn to amethyst (so much so that I'm thinking of getting an amethyst watercolour tattoo!) and I want a large piece for my apartment. I love having crystals around me and yet I've managed to lose most of my collection over the years. Lastly, I've been fantasizing about a shade of red lipstick since I was very young, and I think I may have finally found it in Audrey, by NARS. The tentacle dildo needs no explanation.

Oral On Your Own

smile-makers-review

*This post contains paid for content, see my PR page for details*

I am a collector of sex toys. Going shopping for vibrators and rope is one of my favourite things to do with my friends. When I get home, they sit scattered around my bedroom, organised by colour like my Funko Pops. Getting to review them as part of my job will never stop being crazy and amazing. Today I am lucky enough to be collaborating with Smile Makers, a brand I'd already heard so much about before they reached out to work with me. Before I go into details about the toy, I want to talk a bit about why I chose to review their softest design, The Frenchman.

Oral sex ranks as one of the top most-enjoyed sexual activities, across all genders and orientations, and yet within the sex-toy industry, products that mimic the sensation of oral sex are a relatively small and hard-to-find pocket of the market. Most toys are made to go harder, faster, deeper, for longer; I suppose because a lot of the appeal of oral sex comes from its vulnerability, its intimacy, and our subconscious desire to feel totally accepted and devoured by another person, as this video from The School Of Life perfectly explains. That is hard to copy with silicone. But to me, sexual freedom isn't just about sleeping with whoever we wish, but also about getting to a point where we need no other person to have a flourishing sexual life. We all go through times when, for whatever reason, we must be alone. I love people, but I'm an independent little bean. I think we all owe it to ourselves to acquire as much power over our body as we can, so that we choose partners not for a sensation we cannot achieve alone, but for a merging with the other.

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smile-makers-review

The Frenchman, by Smile Makers, is the first "toy for women who love oral" that I've ever tried, although I definitely fit the demographic. It's a sleek, aesthetically-pleasing design, in pastel blue. The "tongue" is not some garish knobbly eyesore, but a thin, curved, flexible feather. It's made to be used with a light, velvety lubricant to make the experience even more life-like (I used Smile Maker's Stay Silky, which is fragrance-free, paraben-free, and water-based). The Frenchman is totally waterproof so you can even use it in the bath or the shower for extra, ahem, wetness. You have four speeds to choose from, more than enough to adapt to your sensitivity level.

The information for The Frenchman describes it as a foreplay aid, but personally, I prefer to use this alone rather than with a partner. To me there's something too cold and distant about having another person sit back and prod me with a toy that was designed to mimic their eager mouth, in much the same way I would never drop to my knees in front of a man and pull out The Auto-Blow 3000. But that's just my own preference. Instead I'll use The Frenchman solo, on days when I want an exquisite, slow-building orgasm. That being said, I would definitely get this out if I were getting ready for a partner to come home and didn't want to lose too much sensitivity. If you've tried anything by Smile Makers, please let me know what you thought in the comments, and also where you stand on tongue-like toys! Are you a fan?