In Defence Of Valentine's Day

I like this day. To me, it is a good day. No better or worse in its origins and message than any other holiday. No cataclysmic event in my life has ever fallen on February 14th, and although I've had ones that weren't so great, none of those have been so bad that they have cast the day forever into the shit pit. I celebrate it however I can, for the sake of celebration, whether I am single or smitten. Not everyone feels this way, and although I can understand why in some cases, some of the truly embittered sentiments get me down. For the last couple of weeks my Twitter and Bloglovin feeds have been full of people dreading this day - mostly long-term single people who are unhappy with that status, or those who are newly single and have never had to suffer the indignity of a Valentine's Day alone until now. I see a lot of grumbling and groaning, but most of it doesn't stand up to much scrutiny.

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Many object to it because of "consumerism", and yet I bet most of these people still open presents on Christmas morning, and probably even shoot "what I got for xmas" videos about them. I find it hard to object to buying flowers and chocolate for someone who will enjoy them on anti-capitalist grounds - to me that does not seem like a moral dilemma, when we spend so much on things that nobody enjoys. I spent £6 on a white plastic bum bag from Primark once. Now that is £6 I would like to have back.

Another common complaint is that the holiday places too much importance on romantic relationships. I find that the people who say that tend to be those who are guilty of this themselves, and who feel that being single or in a less-than-perfect relationship on this day makes them look bad or unwanted. When you pick apart their argument, it tends to boil down to "I don't want to see romantic love made into a big deal". On closer examination of their horror at celebrating monogamy or love or marriage, it often becomes obvious that these people secretly hold the ideal of a perfect, fairytale love so close to their heart that any reminder that they have not found it is too depressing to cope with. Very few people mind when others celebrate possessing a thing they do not want. I know happy singletons, happy friends with benefits, happy lovers, happy groups and poly-amorous people, and they are never the ones with a gripe against this day.

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Some say this day is pointless because it is "made up". I hate to break it to you, but every festival and holiday is made up. Unless you are a very religious person (which I doubt any of you regulars are, considering I am a demon sex witch come from hell to blog about butt plugs) then celebrations are just parties - days we can use and enjoy for our own purposes. The same people who complain that Valentine's Day is made up are the same ones giving Galentine's Day shout-outs to their besties, and I'm sure I don't have to ram the irony of that in your face any harder than I have done.

To my eyes, the most justified objection to this day is that it is heteronormative. It is true that there is far too much "boy meets girl" and not enough "love is everywhere". I completely agree that we need more diverse representations of love and relationships than we are currently sold, and to be honest I think one of the best ways we can do this is by shouting about the love that we do have, and what it means to us. Otherwise the only ones shouting will be those whose relationships fit the cookie cutter definition of happiness, and that definition will remain the same. So celebrate your fuck buddy. Celebrate your friends. Turn up at someone's door with a teddy bear. Buy flowers for yourself and spend the day with a sex toy. Pick up a random on Tinder and go get drunk together. For fuck's sake, have some fun with it.

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