A Beginner's Guide To Rabbit Vibes

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Dream Rabbit Vibrator,* from Lovehoney // Knickers from Accessorize // Bunny Ears are vintage

This may come as a shock to you guys, but this here is my very first Rabbit. Don't get me wrong, I've tried a heck of a lot of sex toys in my time - but I guess I must have started at the deep end. I have more experience with tying Japanese rope, inflatable butt plugs, latex hoods with only a hole over the mouth, and chastity devices than I do with the world's best-selling sex toy. I am here to tell you what my first experience was like, and how you can make yours as spectacular as possible.

For a lot of women, myself included, I think there can be a kind of psychological barrier around penetrating yourself with an object (if you are not used to it) which makes us tense up and not enjoy the sensation as much as we would during sex, or if someone else was doing it. I spoke to my friends who had tried Rabbits while I researched this piece, and there seemed to be a rough 50/50 divide between women who absolutely loved them, and women who found them a bit uncomfortable (despite enjoying well-endowed men, if I may be so frank). Most rabbits aren't particularly big; this one has an insertable length of 5.5 inches, which is around the size of the average penis, so the discomfort that many report is kind of surprising unless you consider how psychologically unprepared a lot of us are for toys (only around 40/50% of Western women have tried  a sex toy, depending on what data you look at, and of that percentage, a huge number is external toys such as bullets). We often forget that just like any sexual act or experience, you sort of have to gear yourself up for it, get your mind and body into the right zone, and relax.

When I first had a go at playing with my new Rabbit, I used a lot more lube than I would during sex. I literally slathered the thing in vanilla H20, and this made things much easier than I was anticipating. The shaft has rotating beads that sit just inside you, and 10 different functions to choose from. Working my way through the settings, I quickly found my favourites and learnt what speeds and combos worked best for me. The lowest speed was more than enough to get me off the first or even second time, and I only needed to increase it or use a stronger pattern once I started to lose sensitivity after several orgasms. Which brings me to the actual orgasms you will get from a Rabbit. Now this is where it gets interesting. For a lot of women, vaginal orgasms are quite hard to achieve; they need pretty sustained effort. But a Rabbit doesn't ever get tired. The Rabbit doesn't ever suddenly change things up just as you are getting close. The Rabbit doesn't ever stop for a minute for a breather and set you back five days, and it doesn't finish before you do. It's a relentless machine. It'll grind away at you until you make it stop. Because of this sustained, rhythmic pressure, I found I could achieve a blended vaginal/clitoral orgasm within about 5 minutes. The orgasm itself, as I find with most toys, was a continuous pulsating sensation, very different to orgasms reached by manual stimulation, that are usually a bit more sudden and jarring. I didn't need to stop the toy when I got to my happy place, and could carry on all the way through and over my climax and on to the next, which was...satisfying, for want of a better word.

A great thing about this toy is that you can take it in the bath with you, as it's 100% waterproof silicone. And it's not all that loud either, it's actually one of my quietest toys - more discreet than a wand, and you guys know how much I love a wand. If you used them together it'd probably make a bit of a racket though...not that I've thought about doing that or anything.

This post contains pr samples/sponsorship, please see my disclaimer here 

How I Edit And Curate My Instagram

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I've always enjoyed reading posts like this, especially from my very favourite-ist bloggers, so that I can try and figure out how they achieve their signature Instagram theme. I'm not ashamed to say that I LOVE a themed account and am always trying to improve the consistency of mine. I never thought to write a post about it until recently, when someone on Twitter asked me if I ever done one (how flattering!). I guess I had always thought my Instagram was too small and obscure to do a post like this, but it's grown so much in the last couple of months as I have begun to really make an effort with it. My following has almost tripled in the last six months, and I'm not saying that to brag, honestly - I'm fecking grateful for every one of you, and I want to help you do the same and make your own pics as awesome as they can be. So here are my secrets.

I post 50% DSLR photos, and 50% iPhone: I don't stick to this as a rule or even look over my pics intentionally to make sure I keep this ratio, it just sort of happens naturally as a result of posting photos from my blog posts and then more candid snaps when I'm out and about (or in the bath). I find this a nice mix for me personally (I've tried 100% DSLR and 100% iPhone, and a combination works best for me and my aesthetic). Find a ratio that works for you and maybe keep it in the back of your mind if you want your account to look a bit more pastel/grainy/faded, or saturated/polished/professional.

I use Afterlight: Afterlight is an awesome app that only costs 79p on the App Store. I don't use it for all my photos, but it has some amazing tools that are real life-savers if I have to take a photo in bad light. For me, the most useful function is the brightness adjuster. Unlike within Instagram, where the brightness only goes up one bar, in Afterlight you can increase the brightness/highlights/saturation/everything else as many times as you want. I tend to focus on upping the brightness, contrast and saturation, and then adjusting the warmth so that the background of my picture isn't too yellow or too blue-toned.

I often delete pictures that don't fit: People are kind of divided about this, and I can see the logic on both sides. To me, my Instagram is a place to represent the visual aesthetic of my blog and brand, so I don't mind deleting pics that I get bored of, or that I think ruin my theme. As long as I still have them on my phone for posterity's sake, then a little bit of tidying up actually feels really good to me.

I look at shape and composition: This might sound odd, but I always prefer it when my Instagram has a balance of shapes across my feed. For example, if I post too many flatlays or highly detailed shots clustered together, it can look too messy and cluttered.  On the other hand, if I post too many super close-ups that make every product look like Godzilla, my feed might be lacking in nuance. I try to mix them all up so that my overall account looks balanced in composition. That being said, there are loads of amazing Instagram accounts that are exclusively flatlays or close-ups - it's all about finding a composition that works for you and that flows nicely.

Five Things Vegetarians Are Sick Of Hearing

I am not, by nature, an evangelical person. I am the kind of person that will quietly enjoy a band or artist for years without ever mentioning them. I am the kind of person that will say "I don't know" when asked what movies she enjoys, even though I know very well. This guardedness extends to other areas of my life as well - specifically, my eating habits. I am a lifelong vegetarian, and yet, I realised recently, that in three or four years of blogging, I have never once blogged about it. I have been so terrified of being branded a preachy vegetarian, that I haven't shared with any of you just how much I love this lifestyle. Remaining quiet hasn't saved me from the evangelism of others, however. On a daily basis, I still receive the same line of questioning from meat-eaters who just don't understand the issue all that well. I respect everybody's right to make their own informed decisions and prefer to leave people to eat as they please. In the spirit of leaving people to eat as they please, here are a few things that most, if not all vegetarians, will be sick to death of hearing. RT to save a life.

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"So why are you vegetarian?" Firstly, this is none of your business. Secondly, it's a very defensive question to ask, because you're demanding that someone explain their personal choice to you just because it's different to your own. If I sat down at a table to have dinner with you and asked "so why do you eat meat?", you would think it rude and obnoxious. It's not cool the other way around. Thirdly, and most importantly, I am not your vegetarian library. There is plenty of easily Google-able information on the environmental, moral, and health-related reasons not to eat meat, so if you are genuinely interested in the answer to this question, please show some initiative and do the research yourself. Or not, whatever.

"Do you mind if I eat meat?" I find this question completely perplexing. The people who ask it seem to be under the impression that I don't share tables with people who have made different lifestyle choices to me, which is utterly ridiculous. I don't care what you eat while I am around. As long as the waiter doesn't mix up our orders, we're all good.

"I could never be a vegetarian" I didn't ask you to be, darling. And I don't care. None of us care.

"Where do you get your iron/protein?" This question is frankly embarrassing, and I wish people would look up "plant sources of iron and protein" before asking it of any veggie. It is actually incredibly easy to meet your protein and iron requirements on a veggie or vegan diet. Like most health-nuts, I use the app MyFitnessPal every day to make sure I hit my macro-nutrient goals, and I have my protein goal set much, much higher than the average because I lift weights and train very hard. I manage to eat a gram of protein per lb of my own body weight every single day. All on a plant-based diet. Shocking.

"Have you ever had bacon though?" Sometimes, when someone is particularly insecure about their own choices and goes heavily onto the defensive, they will start to mock you for being a vegetarian. They often act as if meat is some kind of forbidden fruit that must be torture for you to sit and watch someone else consume, or conversely, that it's disgusting and something they can torture you with. I've had people literally run through a list of all their favourite types of meat and ask me if I've ever tried them. I've had people wave a plate of bacon in front of my face as if it would scare and disgust me. I've had people trick me into eating meat, thinking it was hilarious. A lot of people like to make an awkward joke out of not being able to offer me some of their food as well, because they feel embarrassed. There's no need for this, guys. It's okay. Everything gonna be okay.

If you'd like some basic info on the logic behind a vegan/veggie lifestyle, then check out this presentation by The Vegan Atheist, and if you want tips on going vegetarian (and I say if, because it's totally up to you babes) then check out this video by Anastasjia Louise.   

Star Wars Tsums!

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I've been quietly hoping that they would bring out a Star Wars series of Tsum Tsums for ages. When I saw the preview images being released on Instagram a week or so ago I damn near hit the roof and shit my pants all at the same time. Star Wars is by far my favourite Disney-owned franchise, and such a huge, huge part of my childhood that I knew I'd end up getting most of the range. All the characters are from the original trilogy, which I think was a good decision, even though BB-8 would have made a perfect little tsum! Maybe one day they'll do collections for the modern triologies - I can imagine Jar Jar Binks and Darth Maul making awesome tsums as well. From this set I chose Princess Leia (technically my first Disney Princess) Yoda, and Wicket the Ewok to add to my collection. Wicket has to be my favourite - his little buck teeth are so adorable I could cry. I still want to get Chewie and R2-D2, but might go back and pick up a larger version of Chewie when they come into the shops in a couple of weeks. I want to use him as a fluffy cushion. The Tangled collection is being launched on 1st of March as well, so another Princess will definitely be happening.

In Defence Of Valentine's Day

I like this day. To me, it is a good day. No better or worse in its origins and message than any other holiday. No cataclysmic event in my life has ever fallen on February 14th, and although I've had ones that weren't so great, none of those have been so bad that they have cast the day forever into the shit pit. I celebrate it however I can, for the sake of celebration, whether I am single or smitten. Not everyone feels this way, and although I can understand why in some cases, some of the truly embittered sentiments get me down. For the last couple of weeks my Twitter and Bloglovin feeds have been full of people dreading this day - mostly long-term single people who are unhappy with that status, or those who are newly single and have never had to suffer the indignity of a Valentine's Day alone until now. I see a lot of grumbling and groaning, but most of it doesn't stand up to much scrutiny.

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Many object to it because of "consumerism", and yet I bet most of these people still open presents on Christmas morning, and probably even shoot "what I got for xmas" videos about them. I find it hard to object to buying flowers and chocolate for someone who will enjoy them on anti-capitalist grounds - to me that does not seem like a moral dilemma, when we spend so much on things that nobody enjoys. I spent £6 on a white plastic bum bag from Primark once. Now that is £6 I would like to have back.

Another common complaint is that the holiday places too much importance on romantic relationships. I find that the people who say that tend to be those who are guilty of this themselves, and who feel that being single or in a less-than-perfect relationship on this day makes them look bad or unwanted. When you pick apart their argument, it tends to boil down to "I don't want to see romantic love made into a big deal". On closer examination of their horror at celebrating monogamy or love or marriage, it often becomes obvious that these people secretly hold the ideal of a perfect, fairytale love so close to their heart that any reminder that they have not found it is too depressing to cope with. Very few people mind when others celebrate possessing a thing they do not want. I know happy singletons, happy friends with benefits, happy lovers, happy groups and poly-amorous people, and they are never the ones with a gripe against this day.

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Some say this day is pointless because it is "made up". I hate to break it to you, but every festival and holiday is made up. Unless you are a very religious person (which I doubt any of you regulars are, considering I am a demon sex witch come from hell to blog about butt plugs) then celebrations are just parties - days we can use and enjoy for our own purposes. The same people who complain that Valentine's Day is made up are the same ones giving Galentine's Day shout-outs to their besties, and I'm sure I don't have to ram the irony of that in your face any harder than I have done.

To my eyes, the most justified objection to this day is that it is heteronormative. It is true that there is far too much "boy meets girl" and not enough "love is everywhere". I completely agree that we need more diverse representations of love and relationships than we are currently sold, and to be honest I think one of the best ways we can do this is by shouting about the love that we do have, and what it means to us. Otherwise the only ones shouting will be those whose relationships fit the cookie cutter definition of happiness, and that definition will remain the same. So celebrate your fuck buddy. Celebrate your friends. Turn up at someone's door with a teddy bear. Buy flowers for yourself and spend the day with a sex toy. Pick up a random on Tinder and go get drunk together. For fuck's sake, have some fun with it.

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What It Means To Be Submissive

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I am a submissive. This is something I have had to say to many, when I first begin to try and make myself known to them. It's something I've had to write in text messages, throw out into the empty space of a phone call, and blurt out over coffee at 2pm on a Tuesday. It's something I've said many times while naked in bed with another human, trying to explain myself and get my needs met, if only for the night. And yet as hard as the phrase can be to let slip, and as loaded as it is with connotations, it still often fails to make me any better understood. The words often fall dead and heavy between me and whoever I am speaking to, only adding another layer of confusion. I wish more people had a better understanding of what BDSM, and specifically, dominance and submission, actually is, so that people like me could make ourselves better known with that phrase, which is after all, the only phrase we have.


"Submissive"; adjective: ready to conform to the authority or will of others


There isn't just one kind of submissive: Submission is a blanket term for a huge variety of sexual inclinations. It's a vague jab of a finger in the direction of a preference, and nothing more. You can't tell much about what someone will enjoy just because they are a submissive, or "sub" for short. There are many different submissive roles and personae, including littles, pets, slaves, dolls, and many others, all with their own desires, needs, culture, jargon and fantasies. In its essence, I would describe submission as finding joy through yielding to another.

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Different kinds of subs like different kinds of things: What is pleasing to a babygirl might be boring to a slave, and what is delicious for a slave might be tedious for a pet. A babygirl might love being called "princess" for example - a slave probably won't. A babygirl might love getting spanked, but pets might not. Who spanks a cat, after all? One particularly common mistake is assuming that all submissives love being called a slut or a whore or any old cuss word. This is simply not true. Subs tend to be very specific about the words that they do like to be called, because language is so important to maintaining any sexual fantasy.

A submissive is not the same thing as a masochist: Dominance and submission (or D/s) is about power and control; sadomasochism is about pain. The two often coexist, but they don't have to. There are a lot of submissives who don't enjoy pain-play. There's obviously nothing wrong with that at all and I do have a little masochistic streak, but it isn't a package deal.

There are active and passive forms of submission: Just like anyone, subs can take an active or a passive role in sexual play. For example, an active submissive might like begging, body worship, performing tasks or following instructions, and earning rewards. All of these things are a demonstration of mental submission, aiming to please, obedience, or whatever you want them to mean. A passive sub on the other hand might not enjoy any of that jumping through hoops; they usually yearn to feel physically overpowered, the illusion of force, or coercion. This could include restraints and bondage, reluctance role play, consensual non-consent, punishments, blackmail, or being chased. Basically anything that allows the sub to fully resist and feel for a moment as if they need take no responsibility.

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Submissives aren't submissive with everyone: Being submissive in bed rarely overlaps with how one wants to be treated at work or school or daily life. That would be ridic. We aren't submissive with every Dominant, or even with everyone we are attracted to. I've dated people who were not into BDSM, and my submissive side simply lies dormant, until I meet someone who brings it out again. It very much depends on the chemistry I have with each individual.

Being submissive is not incompatible with feminism: This should be obvious, but unfortunately it's not. A lot of people still feel that because you are a girl who enjoys submissive role-play, you must believe that it is somehow "where you belong", or that being submissive is "natural" for women. This is obviously bollocks, and I hold no such ideas. It goes without saying that there are just as many men who enjoy being submissive as there are women, and no one, regardless of gender, should be shamed for wanting something so normal. I consider myself to be a sex-positive feminist who strives to be intersectional. To me, there is nothing empowering about denying our sexual natures, whatever they may be.

If you want to learn more about the psychology behind submission and other sexual fantasies, then I recommend this video on BDSM 101 by Laci Green,  and this one on Understanding Sexual Fantasy from The School Of Life. The nipple pasties and luxury rope in these images are both available at Ann Summers.