the motive changes like the wind, hard to control when it begins


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Spring is here, but it’s still cold. Maybe that’s a sign? I’m making plans that I’m not sure I’ll have the courage to keep - things I’ve backed out of before. It feels as though part of me is desperately trying to hold on, and other parts are trying to run away. I have no idea what will happen. I’m scared of finding out things I’ll wish I hadn’t. I’m scared of caring – caring is so alien to me. But I also feel very young, and happy, and more capable than I did last year. Maybe this time will be different, because I am different. But have I changed enough for things to work? I have a bigger life now, and I know I can just walk away and thrive, if I have to. I’ve done it before. But I suppose more than anything I am scared I will find the place I want to be, and that I will have to stop, and ask to stay.

So what do I do? I take pictures. Of pretty things. And nail polish. Cause I’m just so great at confronting my issues…

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING THIS IS NOT HAPPENING THIS IS NOT HAPPENING GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY NO NOT YOU THE OTHER GUY GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY

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